Tips for Students: Getting Rid of the Need to Be Liked by Everyone

Worried Student

An anxiety that appears when you think about strangers not to like you can make your life a lot more difficult. Psychology writers from decided to talk about getting rid of that destructive need.

Imagine Yourself as an Ink Spot

Remind yourself about a famous psychological test of Rorschach, when the patient needs to look at the ink spot picture and describe what they see. Now try to imagine yourself as one of those ink spots on a paper. What other person can see tells more about them than about the ink spot. Qualities which one person will sympathize, can make the other person angry.

The way others perceive you depends a lot on how many familiar qualities they notice in you. According to the research, people like those who are similar to them in character more. During the experiment, this was especially noticeable among people with unwanted qualities. The more nervous or testy was the participant, the more probably he or she estimated people with equal features positively.

Do not forget: you can control your behavior only, not the character or preferences of your collocutors.

Think About Factors You Can’t Know

In addition to your personality, there are many factors influencing the way they perceive you. Everyone has their tasks, their problems, their mood. Someone might have a tough day at work, a quarrel with close people, or just a huge task list. These factors which are unknown to you will influence the way how the collocutor answers to you, but they are not somehow connected to your personality. Sometimes, it is useful to remind yourself about your own insignificance.

Determine Mistakes of Your Thinking

People often risk becoming victims of cognitive distortions. They predict others to think negatively about them, take all reactions and words personally, imagine the worst possibility for the situation to develop. It all happens unconsciously.

Try to understand which distortions are about you. What do you usually suppose about yourself and others? What do you often take for granted? How just are your thoughts? Pay attention to thoughts that appear before, during and after the conversation. Be honest with yourself when trying to understand what could distort your perception.

Differ Negative and Neutral Estimation

Uncertainty makes people feel discomfort. It is difficult to determine a person’s relation to you when he or she does not send you neither friendly nor hostile signals. That is why, many completely neutral conversations are interpreted by people as negative ones. In situations like that, people are to count on their own experience and knowledge about the world.

If there is a thought that people always reject you in your world picture, you’ll see that thought to be confirmed all the time.

When seeing a person just doing their business you’ll think they avoid getting in contact with you.

Remember that Circumstances Stand Against You

Imagine that you had the opportunity to talk to all 7 billion people who inhabit Earth. What percent of them would think you to be a pleasant person? Surely not 100%. This is a good thing to remind you about one truth: you are going to meet people who do not like you obligatory.

For example, 70% of people would like you. Then the rest 30% wouldn’t. 30% of Earth’s population is nearly 2 billion people. And you can meet them everywhere.

Remind yourself about circumstances that play against you: there will be people who don’t like you at any case. The only thing you can do about that fact is to accept it and to keep moving forward. 

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